THEY ATE DANNY'S BRAIN!!!

tgwtgsecrets: I dreamt I did a review with Lindsay Ellis in...

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 19:30:56 -0500

I dreamt I did a review with Lindsay Ellis in which she was dressed like Judge Dredd, I was dressed like Batman and we were dancing and singing with a Black gospel choir. My subconscious is a weird place sometimes.

I’m the one who posted this secret, and for the life of me I can’t remember what the hell we were reviewing. I do hope to share a review with her someday if my stuff is good enough, she’s one of my absolute biggest inspirations in the reviewing community(along with Kyle Kallgren and Diamanda Hagan).

tgwtgsecrets: I love MarzGurl’s videos about Final Fantasy 13....

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 10:32:47 -0500

tgwtgsecrets:

I love MarzGurl’s videos about Final Fantasy 13. The first one helped me figure out what my problem has been with the series since FF10. I hate how mean people are to her about it though. She makes good and informative videos and I hope she continues.

The more obsessed Final Fantasy fans tend to get pretty damn butthurt over their franchise getting bashed. Every fan that says that people bash FF13 cause they didn’t give it a chance and that the game gets REALLY good after 25 hours of gameplay needs to realize that we don’t owe Square Enix anything to have to sit through 25 hours of monotony and stupidity just to get to the alleged “good” part of a game,

I don’t have any incentive to play FF anymore. The Persona series replaced it as my JRPG franchise of choice loooooooong ago.

I think a site move might be in order for E-Rod. Maybe move to...

Tue, 05 Feb 2013 10:28:48 -0500

I think a site move might be in order for E-Rod. Maybe move to The Agony Booth or NerdVice. He’s certainly talented enough to deserve his spot on TGWTG, but maybe he’d fit in better with people from the other sites. I know he gets along great with Jerry Nava, The Film Renegado.

And don’t think this is a knock against him, it’s a knock against TGWTG as a whole for not making him feel welcome there. It’s kinda sad, really, he’s genuinely funny, has a very defined topic for his reviews and his characters are hilarious. I honestly don’t know why people have it in for the guy.

tgwtgsecrets: (They are awesome. <3 - Pink) I sent this in,...

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:36:16 -0500

tgwtgsecrets:

(They are awesome. <3 - Pink)

I sent this in, and another thing I left out(out of respect for Spoony) is that I remember the breakup with Scarlett, and that seriously messed him up for a while, I was really sad for him. Seeing him happy and enthusiastic with a girl again is seriously d’awe-inducing.

I’m the one who sent this one in, and I too am very...

Mon, 04 Feb 2013 18:33:34 -0500

I’m the one who sent this one in, and I too am very annoyed at how much crap people give E-Rod, when I think he’s seriously very funny and talented. Oh, and while I mentioned Nerdlinger’s my favorite character, I think the funniest skits E-Rod does are the movie pitches by Fedora Freddie. Not only are they hilarious, but they also serve as a great representation of the demented focus-group creative process and the serious disconnection between the average movie executive and the movies they churn out. It’s seriously great satire.

I was raised Catholic, but honestly lapsed into...

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 21:15:01 -0500

I was raised Catholic, but honestly lapsed into non-religiousness with time. I, however, still have a soft spot for The Prince Of Egypt, and recognize it as a wonderful film on its own merits. I’m really glad Doug feels the same. It’s still, to this day, Dreamwork’s best animated movie, IMHO.

That Guy With The Glasses Secrets: He’s Oan’s title card artist. Also the artist for a number of others,...

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 00:58:18 -0500

That Guy With The Glasses Secrets: He’s Oan’s title card artist. Also the artist for a number of others,...:

tgwtgsecrets:

He’s Oan’s title card artist. Also the artist for a number of others, but mainly Kyle’s.

Just to clarify, I’ve done one-off cards or card bases for other people both on and off TGWTG but I’ve only ever been Kyle’s official full-time artist. Otherwise I’m just friends with a lot of the folks on…

You saying you hug people with pencils is the most adorable thing I have ever heard or read an artist say, Ven :)

tgwtgsecrets: (Most of my best friends these days are from the...

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 21:31:00 -0500

tgwtgsecrets:

(Most of my best friends these days are from the TGWTG fandom. It’s my second family and my home. -Pink)

I’m the one who wrote this, and I’m not joking, I love you guys. Puerto Rico is a very narrowminded, shallow culture, and I’ve always been an outsider for being a fanboy and intellectual. You guys always cheer me up by making me realize I’m not alone, and when I move to the States, all of you are always welcome at my house :)

gethenian: themexicansnob: huzzahoancitizen: Kyle mentioned...

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 21:24:00 -0500

gethenian:

themexicansnob:

huzzahoancitizen:

Kyle mentioned on Twitter that he wants to review the movie, but right now he wouldn’t be able to condence his thought to no less than about three hours, because there’s an unbelieveable amount of things to discuss.

So, looking forward to that —JQ

[ed]

3 parter? Let’s make it a Jodorowski saga Kyle, Topo, Holy Mountain and Santa Sangre in a row! you know you want to ;)

(I am so not ready yet either)

YOU ARE BOTH PUSSIES. YOU HEAR ME?? PUSSIES!!! I TACKLED FEDERICO GARCIA LORCA FOR PURE SHITS AND GIGGLES WHEN I WAS ALMOST A DECADE YOUNGER THAN BOTH OF YOU!

And you call yourselves critics. I can out-critic the two of you put together tackling symbolism in Mexican arthouse cinema!

I CHALLENGE YOU BUGGERS FORTHWITH TO PROVE ME THE LESSER PENCIL-WIELDING DINKUS AND DO JODOROWSKI! DO JODOROWSKI LIKE A 3-CENT WHORE!

Once I start my reviews, if I ever got big enough to earn a crossover with Kyle, I’d KILL to do this one with him. Any Jodorowsky movie, really, I LOVE El Topo and Santa Sangre.

Oh, and Jerry, LOVED your review of Fando Y Lis :)

And Ven, Garcia Lorca ;_; Few deaths are as completely cruel and undeserved as Garcia Lorca’s death. Awesome playwright and poet. La Casa De Bernarda Alba is a masterpiece.

tgwtgsecrets: I’m planning on doing a review show while I’m deployed in Egypt with the Army, in...

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 11:41:27 -0500

tgwtgsecrets:

I’m planning on doing a review show while I’m deployed in Egypt with the Army, in part to stave off boredom and in part to prove myself that I can, but mostly cause Brows Held High is my favorite piece of online entertainment and I want to attempt to be at least a fraction of the professional and entertainer Kyle Kallgren is.

(Best of luck with that! And have fun!- Hatted)

I’m the one who wrote this, BTW. I don’t really feel...

Fri, 01 Feb 2013 15:10:16 -0500

I’m the one who wrote this, BTW. I don’t really feel I need to keep it secret :p

tgwtgsecrets: “Out of all the reviewers on the site, the one I...

Thu, 31 Jan 2013 20:05:00 -0500

tgwtgsecrets:

“Out of all the reviewers on the site, the one I wish the most I knew in real life is Oancitizen/Kyle. I wish I had known him in college, taken classes with him, and engaged in debates with him. I think I would have had a blast if we could have been study buddies.”

—-

Pssst, remember his kickstarter!

-Floss

I feel the same. He has the perfect balance of being an intellectual and really damn funny at the same time. One of my goals in life is to buy him a beer sometime.

horrormovieboy: The Fly David Cronenberg at his finest.

Wed, 09 Jan 2013 15:58:30 -0500

horrormovieboy:

The Fly

David Cronenberg at his finest.

clownyprincess: jhameia: thegoddamazon: demonsee: holly-quinn...

Sun, 06 Jan 2013 22:57:39 -0500

clownyprincess:

jhameia:

thegoddamazon:

demonsee:

holly-quinn:

justakon-el:

justplainsomething:

Everything I love about Bruce Wayne.

OK, I’m gonna have to give respect to the guy right now.

/crying

Inside the mind of Bruce Wayne

I LOVE YOU BRUCE

RIGHT THRU THE FUCKING HEART OH MY GOD I DON’T EVEN LIKE HIM

gotta pay it, this is a goodie.

Manly tears were shed.

misskatie: I just refreshed the #FindTesla tag to find this. I...

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 04:55:21 -0500

misskatie:

I just refreshed the #FindTesla tag to find this.

I am heartbroken.

Tesla, I feel blessed to have gotten to hug you and pet you and see your adorable tail wag.

There is nothing as heartbreaking as losing a dog. No friendship is more loyal and no love as pure as that of a dog :(

I NEED THIS POSTER.

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 03:02:59 -0500

I NEED THIS POSTER.

MY DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT CREATES THE HEAVENS! :’) <3

Sat, 05 Jan 2013 02:31:07 -0500

MY DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT CREATES THE HEAVENS!

:’) <3

Movie Review: The Man Who Would Be King (1975)

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 03:23:00 -0500

THE MAN WHO WOULD BE KING (1975)

Directed by: John Huston, based on a story by Rudyard Kipling

Starring: Sean Connery, Michael Caine, Christopher Plummer, Saeed Jaffrey

An adventure flick based on a Rudyard Kipling story starring Sean Connery and Michael Caine and directed by John Huston. How could you NOT want to see this??

The story: While working one night at the offices of the Northern Star newspaper in India, correspondent Rudyard Kipling(Christopher Plummer) is visited one night by a wreck of a man who claims to know him. The disfigured, maimed fellow turns out to be Peachy Carnehan(Michael Caine), an acquaintance, former British soldier and fellow freemason whom he had last seen years before. Carnehan then starts telling Kipling about the events which led to his sorry state, first recounting how him and Kipling initially met, and about his partner in crime Daniel Dravot(Sean Connery). Carnehan and Dravot were both former British soldiers who decided to find fame and fortune outside Her Majesty’s service, and with Kipling’s help had planned to find that fame and fortune on the faraway nation of Kafiristan(a province of present-day Afghanistan). Carnehan and Dravot’s plan was to smuggle weapons into Kafiristan and pledge service to one of the local warlords. They’d train the warlord’s soldiers with the more modern weapons and tactics of the British army and then slowly conquer each enemy fiefdom one by one until they had unified the country under one rule, then bump off the ruler and take the crown themselves and become rich men in the process.

This was an ambitious plan, to be sure, but surprisingly achievable. After many adventures getting to Kafiristan, Carnehan and Dravot find their warlord and pledge themselves to him, and in the process have the good fortune of meeting Billy Fish(Saaed Jaffrey), a former Gurkha who eagerly pledges allegiance to them and serves as an interpreter. It’s not too long until Carnehan and Dravot are conquering villages left and right, and becoming rich and powerful in the process. However, something quite unexpected happens to them: after a fortuitous misunderstanding during one of the battles, Dravot actually starts getting worshipped as a god by the natives, who start calling him by the name Sikander. It turns out that Sikander is actually Alexander The Great, who had conquered Kafiristan millennia before, and Dravot is seen as his son and second coming. This leads to Dravot quite literally becoming king. Cue hubris.

John Huston is no stranger to stories of adventurous men letting their ambition destroy them, as he was the director of the classic story of greed and downfall, The Treasure of The Sierra Madre, and the experience serves him well to direct a hell of a fun movie. Filming was done on-location in Morocco, and Huston lovingly shoots the natural beauty of the country and its people to give the film an ancient, almost magical aesthetic. The movie has some great setpieces, but it’s not an all-out adventure romp Indiana Jones-style. Instead, the meat of the adventure is the interaction between the main players and the situations they get embroiled in. The plot also has a lot of humor, both intentional and subversive. The film doesn’t whitewash any of the original novella’s patently racist and elitist attitude. Kipling wrote of British characters who were superior to the “savages” they conquered, and that’s exactly the attitude the characters in the movie have. it’d be offensive, if their antiquated attitudes weren’t hilarious by modern standards.

Mentioning that Sean Connery and Michael Caine rocked their roles is a redundant exercise, but it bears mentioning that it’s a treat to see them play off each other, and they really do give the impression of being life-long partners and friends. They’re cocky, charming and full of swagger, it’s a joy to see them in action. Saeed Jaffrey as Billy Fish is also very likeable, and hilarious in how much of a subservient go-getter he is(again, the British conquering the “savages”). Christopher Plummer, though not having much screen time, is great at portraying Kipling himself, amused at Carnehan and Dravot’s bravado but also deeply concerned that they’re biting off more than the can chew with their endeavor.

The Man Who Would Be King is a fun-as-hell old school adventure flick, and its charming lead actors and masterful direction by Huston have quite deservedly made it a classic. Highly recommended.

Movie Review + Essay: Flash Point (2007)

Wed, 02 Jan 2013 02:32:00 -0500

FLASH POINT (Dou Fo Sin in Cantonese, 2007)

Directed by: Wilson Yip

Starring: Donnie Yen, Louis Koo, Collin Chou, Xing Yu, Ray Lui, Fan Bing-Bing

Before I go on to the review, I want to do a teeny tiny essay to give it a foundation, so bare with me.

The martial arts genre in film has a very curious place when it comes to criticism. The definition of what a good martial arts movie is actually places things like story and character development second to fight choreography, camera work and pacing. This is pretty funny, because when martial arts are portrayed in other media(television, books, comics and sometimes video games), story and characters actually do have importance equal to the other considerations. So why is that? Why are we so forgiving of martial arts film when we’re not as forgiving of it in other media?

Well, a variety of reasons, which we’ll tackle per medium. In the case of television, there’s both a limitation in terms of time constraints(because of the shorter time format of a weekly show and the schedule of filming them) and more freedom(because a story can be better developed over the total time of a show). This means that fighting can’t be the focus of the show entirely because it’d quickly become monotonous. Also, with the longer format over time, you can slowly build characters into a whole while not limiting the action.

In the case of books, it’s simply not feasible to focus on the fighting because of how visual the concept of martial arts is. It’s really not easy to describe a fight step by step in a book without boring the reader to tears over how the story’s basically stopped cold until the fight’s done. While other forms of fighting, like dueling or military action, can be pretty well translated to the written page, martial arts are very difficult to portray in text.

In the case of comics, we have a combination of the problems of both TV shows and books. Just like TV, comics are a short-individually-but-long-over-time visual format, so focusing exclusively on the fighting can result in bored readers. In fact, this is one of the biggest complaints manga fans have over many martial arts manga, like Bleach, Naruto and Battle Angel: Last Order, that there’s so much fighting over such a long time that the comics become unbearably dull. But also, like books, martial arts comics have a hard time showing the movement and execution of moves. To portray a martial arts move in loving detail in a comic book would eat up the panel count. that’s why martial arts in comic books tend to be more fantastic in nature and use loads of shortcuts. Thus you have things like fireballs being chucked around and using a bazillion drawn fists to portray a character punching in quick succession.

Of any medium, it’s video games that best emulate the relationship with martial arts that film has. You can focus a game exclusively on fighting and have it work as long as it’s entertaining, which is an entire genre of game, the Fighting game. You can literally have NO story and the barest inkling of character as long as the game offers variety and tight gameplay. However, video games can also offer an experience similar to TV, in having a longer narrative and character development. indeed, a game can have a MASSIVELY longer narrative than any TV show. Take the RPG Xenogears, for example. It has martial arts as an integral part of the game, both inside and outside the robots, but it’s story and game time can clock in at hundreds of hours. A TV series would have to last several seasons to even come close to that length. In this case, games that are not Fighting games are subject to the same rules as TV in terms of story and characters. I didn’t mention the fact that one of the advantages video games have is that they are interactive, cause that’s a big duh.

And so we come back to film. Film, when compared to all the other formats, is short, usually not clocking longer than 2 hours(massive epics like Red Cliff notwithstanding). They tend to have a longer development cycle, too, since filming is not constrained by a weekly format like TV. It is much more appropriate for representing martial arts in action than both comics and books, and the extra time for editing and post-production results in a much glossier, spectacular product than TV. Basically, as a non-interactive entertainment medium, film is the one most appropriate for showcasing martial arts in action. This results in martial arts fans being MUCH more forgiving to a film’s faults in terms of narrative as long as the fighting’s sound. One of the phrases I am sure you’ve heard to describe a martial arts movie is this: “Well, the story’s not really that impressive, but the fights are AWESOME!”

Well, how is Flash Point then? Well, the story’s not really that impressive, but the fights are AWESOME!

The story: Inspector Ma(Donnie Yen) is a Hong Kong policeman in pursuit of a gang of Vietnamese smugglers, led by a trio of brothers: violent Tiger(Xing Yu), suave Archer(Ray Lui) and leader Tony(Collin Chou). Among their gang is one of their lieutenants, Wilson(Louis Koo), who’s actually an undercover cop and part of Ma’s investigation. Wilson’s undercover work is slowly getting to him, but Ma keeps encouraging him to continue for a breakthrough in the investigation. Lucky for Wilson, he has Judy(Fan Bing-Bing), a loving girl who keeps him centered. Eventually, a breakthrough does come for an arrest of the gang, but Wilson is found out and almost killed. Now Ma and Wilson have to try not only to arrest the Vietnamese smugglers, but also try to protect their loved ones from retaliation.

Yeah, like I said, the story’s nothing you haven’t seen before. But also like I said in that essay on top, martial arts movies are judged differently, so let’s review the film on those merits. The story works well to establish the set pieces of the movie. The heroes are likeable, the villains are hateable, and the plot works, generic as it might be. I do have to point out that it surprises me that the plot be so generic considering the director’s Wilson Yip, who directed Donnie Yen in the epic Ip Man films, which are outstanding in both martial arts AND plot.

As for the action, wow. When you see a Jackie Chan film, you expect kung fu comedy and insane stunts, when you see a Jet Li film, you expect beautiful fight choreography and floaty wire work. But this is a Donnie Yen film, and what you get with him is ridiculously brutal fights. Yen has always stood out for wanting his fight scenes to be as authentic as possible, and as such he choreographs them based on modern martial arts, specifically MMA. This results in making the viewer cringe at the action on screen. Joints get broken, faces bruised, noses turned into dripping messes, heads supplexed into furniture, it’s seriously great. Specifically, the fight halfway through the movie between Yen and Xing Yu and the final fight between him and Collin Chou are insane. The movie also has some great action setpieces that are not martial arts, like Yen chasing Xing Yu before their fight, and a shootout at a coastal shantytown near the end of the movie. Throughout the entire film, the camera work is rock solid and the fight choreography fast and furious. The movie even has an outtake reel during the credits showing Yen and co. practicing their choreography and filming the movie.

When all’s said and done, Flash Point is just your standard martial arts film, but it’s elevated over other fare because of how excellent the action is. Don’t expect a story to move you to tears, but do expect a hell of a fun ride.

Recent Movie Review: Django Unchained (2012)

Sat, 29 Dec 2012 19:38:00 -0500

Behold: my first review on a movie that’s still in theaters! Shit just got REAL, son!

——-

DJANGO UNCHAINED (2012)

Directed by: Quentin Tarantino

Starring: Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Leonardo DiCaprio, Samuel L. Jackson, Kerry Washington

***SPOILER WARNING: IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE MOVIE FIRST, GO AND WATCH IT BEFORE READING, AS THERE ARE MINOR SPOILERS IN THIS REVIEW.***

I’m gonna sum up this movie with just one sentence: this is Quentin Tarantino’s best movie, hands down.

No, seriously. this movie is his magnum opus. His masterpiece. This is the one movie of his which all his following movies will be graded from, and the movie that will be discussed in hushed, reverential tone. This movie is FUCKING AMAZING.

The story: Dr. King Schultz(Christoph Waltz) is a failed dentist, but very successful bounty hunter. on the hunt for a trio of fugitives, he eventually buys(in no easy, orderly fashion) a slave by the name of Django(Jamie Foxx). Django was a slave in a plantation where the fugitives Schultz is looking for used to work, and knows their faces intimately. Schultz tells Django that he is NOT his slave, he’s merely using him for information on the fugitives’ looks, since Schultz doesn’t know what they look like, and once he gets his quarry Django will receive a portion of the money and walk a free man. Django agrees, and this is the first step towards a deep friendship with Schultz, who eventually makes Django his partner in bounty hunting. Pretty soon, they’re not only cleaning up the South left and right, Django becomes a formidable pistolero in the process.

During the course of their friendship, Schultz eventually learns that Django had a wife, Brumhilda(Kerry Washington), and that they were both runaway slaves who were sold separately as punishment for their escape attempt. Schultz comes to an agreement with Django: Django continues to be Schultz’s partner in bounty hunting through the winter and he’ll help Django find his wife. Django accepts, and eventually they find out that Brumhilda was sold to the Candyland Estate, a plantation known for its extensive and brutal practice of slavery for generations, and its current estate owner is the not-as-charming-and-refined-as-he-seems-to-be Calvin Candie(Leonardo DiCaprio). Candie is an enthusiast of mandingo fighting(using Black slaves in human cock fights), so Schultz fashions a plan: he and Django will masquerade as being interested in buying a mandingo from Candie, and in the process buy Brumhilda back. They buy Brumhilda first, then claim they’ll go get the rest of the money for the mandingo, but then bail and never be heard from again, and since Brumhilda’s name is on the buyer receipts, she’d be legally free.

However, once they get to the estate, their plan is found out by Stephen(Samuel L. Jackson), an old slave who serves as Calvin’s majordomo and counselor. Stephen is the worst kind of man: a slave who’s lived comfortably all his life on account of being a servant in his masters’ house and who looks down on all other slaves. He rats the plan to Candie. Cue shit hitting the fucking fan.

As this is a Quentin Tarantino film, there’s things you already expect from it: cursing like a motherfucker, witty throwaway dialogue, oodles of violence, etc. But here’s the kicker: Tarantino is actually subverting himself with this film. All the cursing is justified because of the setting(the Deep South two years before the Civil War), so all the N-Bombs being dropped are exactly how white people would refer to Black people in that era. The dialogue is NOT throwaway, with every line being necessary to the narrative. The violence is more crude and less theatrical, meant in many instances to make us uncomfortable of watching it. All the things that make a Tarantino film are there, but much more justified and masterfully played. The camerawork, as expected of a Tarantino film, is tight and wonderfully shot, being handled by longtime collaborator Robert Richardson, and the soundtrack is, as always, AWESOME. I’m also VERY pleased that all the violence and bloodshed in the movie is practical effects, though I wasn’t surprised to see that one of the cameos in the movie is, appropriately enough, Tom Savini. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had a hand behind the scenes on the effects department.

With this movie, Tarantino has finally fixed one of the things that’s always bugged me about his style, even with me being a fan: the pacing. Tarantino’s dialogue-heavy style leads to awesome character moments, but it also has a tendency to grind the movie to a halt(the worst offender being Death Proof), but this movie finally NAILS it. When the movie’s flying, the dialogue is fast, witty and funny. When it slows down, it is meditative or meant to build tension. There’s loads of talking in this movie, but none of it feels forced or overstays its welcome, and even though the flick’s 2 hours 45 minutes, it wasn’t a drag at any moment. This is obviously in part because of the editing, and editor Fred Raskin seriously did an outstanding job.

The movie also has LOADS of awesome cameos and minor roles, so Spot the Celebrity can certainly be played wonderfully with this flick. Don Johnson, the aforementioned Savini, James Remar, Zoe Bell, Jonah Hill, Walton Goggins, Robert Carradine and Michael Parks all appear, to name a few, but the one that made my inner fanboy squee was Franco Nero, the ORIGINAL Django from the classic Italian spaghetti western, and there’s a joke between them that will make any fanboy laugh.

And now we go to the acting: A_M_A_Z_I_N_G. Jamie Foxx is on his A-game in this movie: Django is made of awesome. Even when he was a slave, there was intensity and rebellion in him, and when free and able to hunt down white men for a living, he takes to it with glee. There’s also always a deep intensity to him, even during the quiet moments(or better said, ESPECIALLY on the quiet moments). Christoph Waltz, as always, is ridiculously charming and witty, and is easily the most likeable character in the film, every bit the equal of both Django as a character and Jamie Foxx as an actor. Kerry Washington, while her role is smaller than the men’s, makes an effective damsel in distress with an edge. She’s not helpless because of being useless, she’s helpless because of the brutality of the environment she’s trapped within. Leonardo DiCaprio probably had the most fun in his role, as he destroys the scenery one bite at a time. He’s larger than life and deliciously fun to hate.

Many people right now are acclaiming Christoph Waltz’s performance as one of the best in the film, and rightfully so, as it was awesome. But to me, THE performance of the movie is none other than Samuel L. Jackson. Holy shit, is this role ever a departure from his usual roles, and it is incredible. His character is even MORE morally bankrupt than DiCaprio’s, being a slave who’s perfectly fine with being a slave, as it has led him to live a privileged life, and treats all other slaves as beneath him. He was a slave to his master, his master’s father, and his father before him, and he thanks Jesus for it. No one in the movie calls a slave a “nigger”(there, I said it, flame away) with as much vile and contempt. He instantly dislikes Django on account of him refusing to be treated as second class(he even calls him “uppity” in one part, holy shit). He plays a fool in front of his master’s guests, but behind closed doors he’s a Machiavellian counselor. He not only betrays his fellow Black man when he finds out Django’s plan, he actually believes it’s the right thing to do. To perfectly describe you this character, imagine The Boondocks’ Uncle Ruckus, but not played for laughs. Yes, it’s as frightening and wrong as it sounds. Samuel L. Jackson’s Stephen is an even MORE despicable villain than DiCaprio’s Candie, which is not only quite a feat in and of itself, but it’s also a feat on account of Samuel L. Jackson being unlikeable. Trust me, you’ll want this character to die horribly.

The movie is already causing controversy for many reasons: the N-Bomb gets dropped hard and often, the violence is downright brutal, the slavery is portrayed crudely and inhumanly. Well guess what? THAT WAS THE POINT. Tarantino’s not whitewashing history here, the Deep South pre-Reconstruction was a BRUTAL place for the Black man. Django’s story is, in part, an allegory of Black America’s struggle against white oppression, and I for one felt that it was not offensive, it was downright empowering. A Black man is freed and he becomes a legend, managing to succeed when the odds are grossly stacked against him. Lemme put it to you this way: extremist Blacks have criticized the film for supposedly exploiting the concept of slavery, and extremist WHITES have criticized the film for supposed anti-white bigotry. I’ll just go out and say that both these sides are wrong and fucking retarded. Yes, slavery is portrayed as inhuman and exploitative, because it IS inhuman and exploitative. The movie has no anti-white message, one of the heroes(and probably the most moral and benign character in the movie) is a whiter-than-Wonderbread German man. And a white man who points out how inhuman slavery and those who practice it are. So to all of you who criticize this film on those fronts, please stop drinking the Kool-Aid.

Django Unchained was a JOY to watch. it’s both my favorite movie this year and my favorite Tarantino movie. Tarantino has, in my opinion, outdone himself and crafted a masterpiece of a film. Awesome spaghetti western, awesome revenge flick, awesome drama, awesome action flick, awesome comedy, it embodies many genres and is an excellent example of all of them. I beseech you to watch this flick, it’s a treat for any serious movie enthusiast. My highest recommendation.

Oh, and Jamie Foxx does full frontal in one scene. Mr. Foxx, you have balls, pun intended.